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The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir, by Ariel Levy
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A gorgeous memoir about a woman overcoming dramatic loss and finding reinvention—for readers of Cheryl Strayed and Joan Didion
When thirty-eight-year-old New Yorker writer Ariel Levy left for a reporting trip to Mongolia in 2012, she was pregnant, married, financially secure, and successful on her own terms. A month later, none of that was true.
Levy picks you up and hurls you through the story of how she built an unconventional life and then watched it fall apart with astonishing speed. Like much of her generation, she was raised to resist traditional rules—about work, about love, and about womanhood.
“I wanted what we all want: everything. We want a mate who feels like family and a lover who is exotic, surprising. We want to be youthful adventurers and middle-aged mothers. We want intimacy and autonomy, safety and stimulation, reassurance and novelty, coziness and thrills. But we can’t have it all.”
In this profound and beautiful memoir, Levy chronicles the adventure and heartbreak of being “a woman who is free to do whatever she chooses.” Her own story of resilience becomes an unforgettable portrait of the shifting forces in our culture, of what has changed—and of what is eternal.
Advance praise for The Rules Do Not Apply
“I read The Rules Do Not Apply in one long, rapt sitting. Unflinching and intimate, wrenching and revelatory, Ariel Levy’s powerful memoir about love, loss, and finding one’s way shimmers with truth and heart on every page.”—Cheryl Strayed
“Every deep feeling a human is capable of will be shaken loose by this profound book. Ariel Levy has taken grief and made art out of it.”—David Sedaris
“Ariel Levy is a writer of uncompromising honesty, remarkable clarity, and surprising humor gathered from the wreckage of tragedy. Her account of life doing its darnedest to topple her, and her refusal to be knocked down, will leave you shaken and inspired. I am the better for having read this book.”—Lena Dunham
“A great memoir is not a trip through someone else’s life but a series of long looks into your own. Ariel Levy’s book—grieving, hopeful, painful, funny—is that.”—Amy Bloom
“It’s become a truism that feminists are living out our mothers’ unlived lives. But Ariel Levy seems to be living out the unlived lives of an entire generation of women, simultaneously. Free to do whatever she chooses, she chooses everything. While reinventing work, marriage, family, pregnancy, sex, and divorce for herself from the ground up, Levy experiences devastating loss. And she recounts it all here with searing intimacy and an unsentimental yet openhearted rigor.”—Alison Bechdel
“The Rules Do Not Apply is heartbreaking, brilliant, and disarming, the kind of book that may change you. Ariel Levy writes with a beauty that is ferociously honest and with the fervor of an explorer. No one else has written so insightfully about the current legacy of feminism’s ‘lavish gift’ of freedom. Levy has a voice unlike any other. This is a devastating and inspired book.”—René Steinke
- Sales Rank: #446 in Books
- Published on: 2017-03-14
- Released on: 2017-03-14
- Format: Deckle Edge
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.57" h x .93" w x 5.92" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 224 pages
Amazon.com Review
An Amazon Best Book of March 2017: The preface of Ariel Levy’s memoir, The Rules Do Not Apply, is a knock-out. Though it’s the Cliffs Notes to her book/life, it’s written with such clarity that it transcends the searing pain and devastating loss that she’s about to chronicle: “I am thunderstruck by feeling at odd times, and then I find myself gripping the kitchen counter, a subway pole, a friend’s body, so I won’t fall over. I don’t mean that figuratively. My sorrow is so intense it often feels like it will flatten me.” With brawny and disarming candor, Levy weaves together the story of her life exactly as she was determined to live it – becoming a staff writer for the New Yorker, falling in love with her partner (“feeling molten and golden and saved”), writing their own vows (“gay marriage wasn’t even legal—we were making it up!”), becoming pregnant at 37 – and how it all came crashing down. Teeming with vitality and wit, The Rules Do Not Apply is a memoir sparkling with insight on grief and grit. --Al Woodworth, The Amazon Book Review
Review
Advance praise for The Rules Do Not Apply
“I read The Rules Do Not Apply in one long, rapt sitting. Unflinching and intimate, wrenching and revelatory, Ariel Levy’s powerful memoir about love, loss, and finding one’s way shimmers with truth and heart on every page.”—Cheryl Strayed
“Every deep feeling a human is capable of will be shaken loose by this profound book. Ariel Levy has taken grief and made art out of it.”—David Sedaris
“Ariel Levy is a writer of uncompromising honesty, remarkable clarity, and surprising humor gathered from the wreckage of tragedy. Her account of life doing its darnedest to topple her, and her refusal to be knocked down, will leave you shaken and inspired. I am the better for having read this book.”—Lena Dunham
“A great memoir is not a trip through someone else’s life but a series of long looks into your own. Ariel Levy’s book—grieving, hopeful, painful, funny—is that.”—Amy Bloom
“It’s become a truism that feminists are living out our mothers’ unlived lives. But Ariel Levy seems to be living out the unlived lives of an entire generation of women, simultaneously. Free to do whatever she chooses, she chooses everything. While reinventing work, marriage, family, pregnancy, sex, and divorce for herself from the ground up, Levy experiences devastating loss. And she recounts it all here with searing intimacy and an unsentimental yet openhearted rigor.”—Alison Bechdel
“The Rules Do Not Apply is heartbreaking, brilliant, and disarming, the kind of book that may change you. Ariel Levy writes with a beauty that is ferociously honest and with the fervor of an explorer. No one else has written so insightfully about the current legacy of feminism’s ‘lavish gift’ of freedom. Levy has a voice unlike any other. This is a devastating and inspired book.”—René Steinke
About the Author
Ariel Levy joined The New Yorker as a staff writer in 2008, and received the National Magazine Award for Essays and Criticism in 2014 for her piece “Thanksgiving in Mongolia.” She is the author of the book Female Chauvinist Pigs and was a contributing editor at New York for twelve years.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Best book I've read in two years.
By Kate W.
I read it in two sittings. I have very little in common with Ariel Levy and didn't expect that I would find her observations about her life to be so compelling and moving, but she is such an extraordinary writer that I was rapt. This is the rare book that doesn't intend to change your perspective on anything, but offers such an interesting view of a life that you can't help but change your mind about the way the world works.
There was a single paragraph in the book on menstruation, and I read it and I thought: oh my goodness, I've been thinking about menstruation wrong my entire life, and I'm going to teach my daughter differently. The book is full of little gems like that -- off-handed sentences that you grasp onto for their really unexpected insights. I applaud Ariel Levy for churning such a wonderful book out of heartache. What a writer. I'll be reading anything she writes next!
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
This combination is what makes an excellent memoir. The author shares truly intimate details about ...
By carilynp
The memoir THE RULES DO NOT APPLY is written by a talented and powerful writer, Ariel Levy, who has a lot to say and she serves up what most of us would perhaps keep quietly within the confines of a therapist’s office. This combination is what makes an excellent memoir. The author shares truly intimate details about her relationships, the horror of delivering her baby in the most unusual circumstances, who did sadly did not live, and her phenomenal writing career, while she is still a young woman.
I commend Levy for not holding back. I am in awe of her resilience. I imagine that this book is one way that she could cope with the gravity of some of the things that she went through and to find a way out of the darkness.
There were many lines in the book that made me cringe, not in a judgmental way, that made me wince along with her, and that made me laugh ridiculously hard. One when Levy is talking to a friend about the pros and cons of having kids. Her friend is clearly on the side of ‘it’s a bad thing’ while Levy is trying to convince herself that it is a good thing. Levy says something to the effect of how she thinks it would be cool to ‘make something of your own.’ To which the friend replies: “It’s not a gingerbread man. It changes your entire life.” I had to go back to the passage a few times to re-read it. And laugh aloud.
Levy uses humor to lift us up while taking us to the what surely is among the lowest depths of human misery. She takes us so close to her edge and finds a way to bring herself back and the reader right alongside her. This book is not for the faint of heart, but it can show you that getting back on the horse, perhaps not on every pony in the stable, allows you to move on to greener pastures.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Not as good as I'd hoped
By Emma Roland
If you read the article that inspired the book-- Thanksgiving In Mongolia-- you've sort of already read the meat of this book. That story, of giving birth prematurely alone in a hotel in Mongolia, is the seeming inspiration behind the memoir, but (to continue the food theme) if that story is the meat, than what happens before and after is the very dry bread in this book sandwich. The author absolutely has a way with words, there's no denying that, but this is a story that sort of leaves the reader without a clear feeling at the end. We are sped through her childhood, we get glimpses of her parents and friends, we get snippets of her stories as a journalist, we get the Mongolia story and the story of the dissolution of her marriage, but it's all sort of out of focus. I guess what I was left with, after all was said and done, was really the story of what it's like to love an alcoholic, take calculated risks, lose an infant and a dream, and then start building again from the ground up-- except that I didn't feel like any of these topics were delved into very deeply. It's hard to explain. I guess it really was not what I was expecting, given the description. I'm also not quite clear on why this book is in the Gay & Lesbian category unless there simply is no LBGTQA+ category. Levy was married to a woman for 10 years, but she has had relationships with more than one gender. She seems to be falling in love with a man by the time this book ends.
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